i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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