I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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