I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
