FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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