all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
