i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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