Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
