it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
