woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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