Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
