Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
