just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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