My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
