i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
