I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
