Sponge bath it is.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
