I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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