So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
