420 ftw
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
