Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
