I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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