yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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