we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
