Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
