I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
