What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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