I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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