We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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