I accidentally had phone sex last night
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
