..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
