I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
