dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
