I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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