a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
