my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
