I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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