everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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