Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
