a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Dicks are not precious.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
