She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
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