My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
