i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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