apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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