I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
