Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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