I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
