just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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