I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
