I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
