Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Randomize
