You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
