True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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